You're a goner

For reasons that were not entirely clear to me, I have been fascinated with China since I was a teenager. This fascination first bore fruit when I decided, at the age of 35, to see as much of the world as I could in my life. I made a resolution to go to one place that I had always wanted to go once a year, and the first place I went was China.

The trip was as thrilling as I had hoped, and immersing myself in modern Chinese culture was certainly eye-opening. I had wanted to see what it was really like to live in this society, but my role as an outsider as well and the immense differences in the respective cultures made this impossible. Still, I gained a even greater appreciation for all things Chinese.

The trip was not without its inconveniences. Travel within China could be quite challenging. On one leg of the trip, our tour group was waiting at the Luoyang train station for a trip to Xi’an. We had arrived two hours early and our guide had let the station people know which train we were on. While we were all waiting, trains kept pulling in and out of the busy schedule. We didn’t pay much attention to the traffic, since train schedules were notoriously inaccurate and we were sure that the station master would let us know which train was ours. Shortly after the scheduled time of departure, a woman leaned out of a second story window and yelled, in Chinese, "That was your train!". We looked towards the tracks and saw our train picking up speed several hundred yards beyond the station.

The guides for our group and the group of students ran into the station to try and find out what to do. After a lengthy conference, they gathered us around them to explain the situation. We would be leaving, our guide said, at any time, and it was vital that we stay within the sound of his voice. He said "One false move and you’re a goner".

Several years after I went to China, I got a position where I was supporting customers throughout Asia. I traveled extensively to many Asian countries but I never returned to mainland China. Still, the similarities to China, whether it was in metropolitan semi-China Hong Kong or Westernized semi-China Taiwan, always delighted me.

I got married and eventually moved to Chicago. My wife and I were talking about adopting, and she was moved by the stories of little girls who were available for adoption in China. I had some mixed feelings about the whole adoption process, but we both went to an introductory meeting for a Chinese adoption group. During the meeting, they showed one couple’s videotape of their trip to China to adopt and some photographs of Chinese sights and places. The images brought back vivid memories of my trip to the mainland and brought up confusing feelings. Later, on the way home, it hit me. Why would a Jewish guy from Toledo, Ohio, be so fascinated with China? I felt this was, in some way, my destiny.

We went through the steps of gathering and submitting the paper work to China for our adoption, and then the year-long wait for a child to be referred to us. Two days before Thanksgiving we got our referral, at least the information on the referral - since there would be a brief delay while the documents were translated. On Thanksgiving Day, we got the picture of our new daughter, Eleanor Vera Yuxio, in the middle of the day. My first thought on seeing the picture was that someone had given her a really bad hair cut, but within an hour or two I had realized that she truly was a beautiful baby.

The next day, I took our tiny passport photo to be blown up and to make copies. I couldn’t stop myself from telling the guy at the photo shop about our impending adoption. He congratulated me and shared some parenting stories. After I got my enlargements, I said goodbye and turned to leave the store. He congratulated me again and said I looked very happy. "I can see it in your face", he said. "You’re a goner."